Tomorrow’s News Today, Part 3

DATELINE: Washington, D.C. Oct. 27, 2043 – An economic disaster that analysts have compared to the Great Depression of the 1930s and the Not-So-Great Depression of 2008-10 was averted today as fast-acting legislators sold the Lunar Colonies for $700 quadrillion in a bail-out plan that should solve many financial problems around the world.

Another holographic newspaper article from the future arrived today, relatively speaking. As you may recall from past blogs, my future self occasionally sends newspaper clippings from 20 or 30 years down the line so I can relate what may happen in the years to come. This item from the L.U.N.A. Today newspaper comes from my great-grandson, who apparently read in my best-selling autobiography (published in 2024) that I used to print future missives from myself in the Redemtech blog. Apparently, according to my great-grandson’s personal note, by 2043, I’ve left Earth to explore the galaxy, so the duty fell to yet-to-be-born Bartley Elvis Indiana Starbuck Porter to pick up the slack.

In these tough economic times, it’s great to see that we’ll survive the recent turmoil, but the impact of our current crisis has some shocking, albeit pleasant, ramifications in the years ahead, if this glowing news-o-gram is to be believed. Let me quote some more from the article:

Financial analysts say they are shocked by the legislative move to sell Colonial Luna – long a losing investment for the real estate and banking industries – for such a large profit, thereby averting global economic disaster. “Not since the 2008 Presidential Election has there been such a wide-impacting government surprise,” said economist Lehman Carnegie III, referring to the unexpected write-in landslide election of Miley Cyrus in the Nov. 4, 2008, presidential election.

Similar to the surprising impact of the so-called Hannah Montana Era of American politics, environmental groups hope the sale of the lunar colonies to the Galactic Speculators Alliance from Zoobidoobah IV will spur a fresh start for the once heavily forested Moon that was unfortunately polluted shortly after terraforming by unwanted shipments of electronic waste. Those e-waste shipments took place for about 100 years before the Moon was deemed unsuitable for human life again.

Luckily, the wise people of 2008 saw the economic crisis as a wake-up call to better manage their finances and their global environment, the article continues. Apparently, in the years ahead, drastic measures are taken by world governments to block the export of e-waste, ban landfilling and incineration of computer equipment containing toxic materials and generally alter the global approach toward refurbishing and reusing equipment. This heralded a whole new era of reducing the environmental impact of IT equipment that will change the world for the better.

I’m hopeful, as I read my great-grandson’s newspaper, that these outlandish claims aren’t merely the outcome of some alternate future like those postulated in popular science fiction stories. Whether or not Hannah Montana gets elected president or the economic crisis heals, the truth remains that the best investment humanity can make in its future is to guarantee survival of our environment.